Dernière bétise de Ladybug
Last log : last week I did some changes in order to fix the
phone display and update my age to 22. I feel dumb now, because
my good friend Olga made me discover
Neocities,
where blogs only have desktop versions. I surely would like to
get completely off my phone : fix my ipod, own my music, go to
the theater, get a blackberry, uninstall hinge, ... But at the
end of the day, I'm still proud of the journey I already did. My
screentime on my phone dropped to 30 minutes a day, I get
overtimulated when I listen to music in public, and I even
slowed down on everything that helped me get to sleep for 6
months. I stopped smoking, and I got my appetite back. Sure,
when I came back home last Thursday, I cried in my mother's
arms. I was sobbing: "No, no. I don't want to go back to school!
People are mean and they know way too much stuff about me. I
have no private life, I associate this dumb city with this dumb
school. I can't go anywhere whithout seeing faces I'd rather
forget. Hell, the one girl all my art is about literally guards
my appartment. I hate seeing her boyfriend on her balcony, where
we used to share cigarettes." Of course, I didn't really tell
her the last few sentences. Then, she told me something about
money problems, but I wasn't listenning. I was too busy working
on personal projects that aren't really about love, and I know
we never really have to care about such things. She told me she
was sad too, and I sat there silently, just like she did with me
earlier. Right before I took the train back to my personnal
hell, she told me we all might go to war, that I should stack up
food and get my money back from banks. It concerned me a bit.
"What do you mean I have personnal problems AND a war might
happen?". I can be as priviledged as I want, and spend less and
less time on my phone, all the place I slowly carved in my head
in order to think about something else than that mean little
blondie gets filled by the horrors of capitalism and the worries
my mom let me know about. Maybe all that really matters is to
live freely, love your mom and party with your friends. And how
would you know that without me using my free time to code on my
personal website? P.S. : add gifs and videos and some textures
and maybe flowers to my shrine.