10/03/2025 21:37
Last log : last week I did some changes in order to fix the phone display and update my age to 22. I feel dumb now, because my good friend Olga made me discover Neocities, where blogs only have desktop versions. I surely would like to get completely off my phone : fix my ipod, own my music, go to the theater, get a blackberry, uninstall hinge, ... But at the end of the day, I'm still proud of the journey I already did. My screentime on my phone dropped to 30 minutes a day, I get overtimulated when I listen to music in public, and I even slowed down on everything that helped me get to sleep for 6 months. I stopped smoking, and I got my appetite back. Sure, when I came back home last Thursday, I cried in my mother's arms. I was sobbing: "No, no. I don't want to go back to school! People are mean and they know way too much stuff about me. I have no private life, I associate this dumb city with this dumb school. I can't go anywhere whithout seeing faces I'd rather forget. Hell, the one girl all my art is about literally guards my appartment. I hate seeing her boyfriend on her balcony, where we used to share cigarettes." Of course, I didn't really tell her the last few sentences. Then, she told me something about money problems, but I wasn't listenning. I was too busy working on personal projects that aren't really about love, and I know we never really have to care about such things. She told me she was sad too, and I sat there silently, just like she did with me earlier. Right before I took the train back to my personnal hell, she told me we all might go to war, that I should stack up food and get my money back from banks. It concerned me a bit. "What do you mean I have personnal problems AND a war might happen?". I can be as priviledged as I want, and spend less and less time on my phone, all the place I slowly carved in my head in order to think about something else than that mean little blondie gets filled by the horrors of capitalism and the worries my mom let me know about. Maybe all that really matters is to live freely, love your mom and party with your friends. And how would you know that without me using my free time to code on my personal website? P.S. : add gifs and videos and some textures and maybe flowers to my shrine.
